youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
