census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
