Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
