ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
