Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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