Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
