I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
