Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Couch. On fire.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
