11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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