i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
