its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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