I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
