Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
