I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
