you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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