on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
