I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
