new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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