On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
