Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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