I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
