Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
