dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
