i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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