I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
