Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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