so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
