During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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