A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I cut my penus on the lid.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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