what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
