too bad you live with your parents still
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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