i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
