come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
