I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
