We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So apparently I’m into choking now
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
