this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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