Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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