i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
