she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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