she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
