Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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