good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
