Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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