Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
