I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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