apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
