Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
