My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
