Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
