Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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