So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
