I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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