I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
