and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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